Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Heartbreak, Tacos and Texas

motorcycle-asphalt
More miles might be just what I need.

I'm in love with the road but I hate the nights. The nights are long and lonely for me. I lie in bed and think about my front wheel turning as it chews up miles of asphalt.

I didn't want people to know I'm unhappy in my relationship. If I tell others I was concerned they might form an opinion about Steve; one that was perhaps unfair and skewed by my emotional state. If we stay together then this will taint their view of him and affect their relationship forever.

I love Steve and I want things to work out. There are many issues for us to work through and frankly the odds are not in our favor.

Sash-Walker-Steve-Johnson-kissing
When we were first dating. Better times.

Love doesn't fix everything, no matter what you've been told.

Love is one thing we have on our side. Another is Emily, our therapist. She is helping us navigate these pain-infested waters. We also have our business. We love what we do and we love working together. Most of our civil conversations turn towards business at one point or another. We think about work most of the time, as long as we aren't fighting.

And that's been an enormous problem. The fighting has taken time and energy away from the things we love doing together. We love riding our motorcycles, sitting in bars and meeting strangers, and working. Getting back on my motorcycle and getting away has been a good move for me. Steve and I are talking everyday and mostly we talk about work. Tonight I was able to go meet a client and have tacos and whiskey. Unfortunately, Steve and I didn't do this together. And maybe we don't have to.

I'm considering a solo trip to Texas from San Diego. I would like to visit beef jerky manufacturers (we publish the premier and best read Beef Jerky Review publication online), friends and motorcycle businesses along the way. I don't have the solid plan yet, but I'm putting it together now. If it works out, I'll leave San Diego around March 20 and go to the following cities:

Phoenix, AZ
Tucson, AZ
El Paso, TX
Round Rock, TX
Galveston, TX
Orange, TX

Then a return trip heading to:

Austin, TX
Colleyville, TX
Eunice, NM
Albuquerque, NM
Show Low, AZ
Phoenix, AZ
San Diego, CA

If this works out I should be on the road for 5 - 6 weeks, putting me back in San Diego May 1. I want to stay in many of these places for a few days and rest up. I have friends in all of these places (except El Paso) who have opened up their homes to me. After looking at the map for hours, I don't see any way to get to Round Rock without stopping in El Paso and somewhere halfway between El Paso and Round Rock for a night, but I haven't figured that out yet.

absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder-quote

If T.H. Bayley is right, this time away will help Steve and me get our relationship to a better place. At the very least I hope to get our business to a better place. Money helps, especially when two people want to live apart.

I could use more miles, more work, more time with friends, many more tacos, and a little more whiskey to soothe my breaking heart. Right now it's nearly 2 am and sleep eludes me. The minutes turn to hours and the night isn't kind to me. I miss him deeply in this moment. I wonder how I could go away so long and so far, but I want to try. Will every night on the road be this hard?

You can help by referring small business owners to our company Too Much Tina for websites, marketing and social media support. Think of your barber, dentist, car and motorcycle mechanics, restaurant owners, photographers, estheticians, and other businesses you patronize. It doesn't matter where they are located because I can help them from anywhere with my cell phone and laptop. I'm not looking for handouts but a way to earn my money to travel. Thank you!

4 comments:

  1. Hang in there. I'm going through a breakup at the moment too and I'm not sure what the future holds either. I understand your second paragraph; there's not always a right and a wrong, or a good and bad... sometimes things get off track and need a reset or a restart. I'm hoping we can part with no hard feelings if it can't be fixed, it's good for the mental health of all involved.

    Ride Safe

    Steve (different one!)

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  2. Phew! I don't know what to say...it seems it's been a struggle between you two just shy of a year. And I disagree, Absence makes heart wander or wonder. It's easy to have a relationship when you are separated because then you are not in the reality of it ...you are in the unemotional part of would be, could be, should be ....and that is unrealistic, that is your mind telling you all the 'iffy' parts of your love affair. If each one of us truly broke down all the segments of our relationship with a loved one and dealt with each one separately rather than emotionally a lot of questions and stress would be eliminated. It takes time and energy in both good and bad health to make a relationship work and you can't do that apart. Perhaps in the end, after your venture apart, and the excitement of the road and all that you enjoy ~ the hard core reality of ending a marriage and remaining as friends and business partners would be best. I pray for both of you.....I don't think anyone would or could formulate a negative opinion about Steve and besides this is about you. A lil reminder.....every night on the road is only going to be as hard as you make it, you have choices, you are of very sound mind and spirit, may the energies and the Lord lead you to a well rounded decision about your future. Love you...rita

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  3. Hope all is going well! I think this trip might be exactly what you need!

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  4. Just found your site. Have an old friend who's ex was in H.O.G.
    I do not ride, but like reading about the people and culture.
    Going through what you're in the middle of, is just plain tough. I hope everything works out for the best for you.
    Your trip sounds ambitious and pretty cool!
    My first thought was, with all your expected traveling/ riding you'll be giving Mr. Kerouac a run for his money....

    ReplyDelete

About Sash


People call me "Sash" because I'm a former beauty queen in my old home town. My father used to ride in an MC which got me interested in the culture. After my last divorce I said "goodbye" to Susie Homemaker and became the rude biker chick I always felt inside. (Read more...)