Monday, February 29, 2016

Riding Solo For Now

Stopped for a break in Gila Bend. This was the longest ride I've ever taken alone.
Be careful what you wish for because the universe might just force you into it. My New Year Resolutions were to start taking care of myself, accept gifts others give, be honest and vulnerable with my friends and to become independent.

A couple of days ago I left on a "vacation". I rode alone from our apartment in San Diego to Phoenix to stay with friends. The first few days I've spent with fellow moto-blogger Paul, Arizona Harley Dude. Today I'm heading over to Kim and Mike's house to stay a little longer. I will continue to work with Steve on our business Too Much Tina Media. He and I are still in love and still friends and business partners.

I'm riding solo because we need a break. This issue is due to rushing into a relationship so soon after we both divorced. We are two people who are in love but growing in different directions at different speeds with different goals. I would not take this "vacation" if I hadn't given it a great deal of very serious thought.

Feeling alone but not lonely, at least not yet.

I've come to love myself and it is self love which gives me the courage to be honest. And part of being honest is looking inward and knowing my own motivations. Once I recognize an issue I feel compelled to address it immediately. There was a time I saw this as a fault, but now I know that this is simply how I am hard wired.

I am an action person and because of that I can get myself into trouble. I jump too soon, make emotional decisions and cause myself and others pain. I thought about taking time apart but the permanence of leaving terrified me, stopped me in my tracks and kept me from taking action.

As I've gotten older I've managed this impulsive behavior by building a trusted support system of listening ears to bounce ideas from and get sound feedback. Others see our problems differently and often have a better perspective than we do from the inside looking out.

My niece Shelli suggested I simply take a "vacation"; to go away and come back at an appointed date. So Steve and I are now living apart.

I'm never afraid when I'm out on the road. I think that might be something that would terrify others but that's the part I love. But there are times when I'm terrified of being entirely alone. I am paralyzed thinking no one knows where I am and no one is waiting to hear from me. So this is a gutsy move for me. I am relying on my support system and selecting people to visit and check in with as I go.

Sunset just outside of Phoenix
Since I've posted on my social media about this I've had a number of friends reach out with support and love. I can't believe how many have opened their homes to me. I am humbled by the kindness and generosity of people.

When I stopped in Gila Bend at the Love's Truck Stop (I love truck stops! Everyone is going somewhere!) I dropped my ATM card. I didn't even know it until this young lady Shellsea stopped me.

"You dropped your card," she said as she tapped my shoulder.

At first I was upset with myself.

"You have no idea how screwed I would be without this! Thank you!"

After a few minutes I went back to thank her again. Her kindness filled me with gratitude and hope. Even some strangers can be caring. Allowing others to help me has always been hard, so this journey is not just on the outside, but on the inside of me as well.

Shellsea renewed my faith in others at the Loves Truck Stop

I'm considering traveling all summer long from friend to friend. Even though I rode my own motorcycle through 35 states over 50,000 miles, somehow I feel that doing it alone is so different than doing it with my husband and partner. I guess I'll find out. I'll continue to post about this difficult and possibly amazing journey.

You can help by referring small business owners to our company Too Much Tina for websites, marketing and social media support. Think of your barber, dentist, car and motorcycle mechanics, restaurant owners, photographers, estheticians, and other businesses you patronize. It doesn't matter where they are located because I can help them from anywhere with my cell phone and laptop. I'm not looking for handouts but a way to earn my money to travel. Thank you!

7 comments:

  1. I'm so happy to hear that you're meeting kind souls on your journey. Sending love and hugs!

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  2. Time apart can strengthen many a relationship. Enjoy your trip.

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  3. Sometimes a little quiet is needed to listen to your heart without fear.

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  4. Sometimes a little quiet is needed to listen to your heart without fear.

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  5. It's not a curse being solo... that is why there's motorcycles. Carpe diem!

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  6. My wish for you (and Steve) is that things will work out as they should, and as you desire. What will be will be.

    Enjoy the road and your friends along the way. Hugs.

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  7. Tina

    I hope this time gives you both the room to breathe and find paths that you both will take. There is nothing wrong with 'vacations' and sometimes they make the relationship stronger or in the very end a cherished friendship. #Peace

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About Sash


People call me "Sash" because I'm a former beauty queen in my old home town. My father used to ride in an MC which got me interested in the culture. After my last divorce I said "goodbye" to Susie Homemaker and became the rude biker chick I always felt inside. (Read more...)