I won't bore you with the silly details of my problems, other than to say they really aren't a big deal. But somehow that hole sure seemed deep when I awoke this morning.
"Honey, wake up. I must go ride today. We have to. I think it's a new law. . ."
The longstanding joke in our relationship is "it's a new law you haven't heard of yet", which I use every time I'm trying to convince him of something. It began when we were first dating 3 years ago and while stopped to put air in the tires of Blackbird, I asked for a kiss.
"There's no kissing in motorcycles!" Highway scoffed.
Two weeks later, exactly three years ago today, I alerted him of big news.
"Is it March 7th? Oh, the new law goes into affect! There's now kissing in motorcycles!"
Since that garnered a kiss for me, (perhaps more than a kiss. . .) I've been using this tactic ever since, and fortunately, it rarely fails. Today I needed a ride, badly. I've been using my motorcycle exclusively for all of my transportation for 9 days now, but it's just been short jaunts around town. What I needed was Asphalt Therapy! That chance to clear the mind, feel the road, smell nature, and gobble up some wind.
We headed north on Interstate 15 and after a stop at the Yamaha dealership to pick up a part I had on order, we rode Highway 78 through Ramona into Wildcat Canyon, then into Lakeside. It didn't take long to realize there weren't any places we wanted to patronize there, so we headed back onto San Diego.
The biggest lesson I took away from the day was that of focus. When riding I know not to focus on the obstacles and potholes along the way. I'll always direct my attention from the bad and focus only on the good road. But somehow in my daily life I forget to apply this, and I focus on the things I don't want instead of the things I do want. Right now my life is near-perfect and I'm guessing that frightens me. It's like waiting for that shoe to drop. . .
During my previous, miserable, imprisoning relationship any time I felt good it wouldn't last. I would be getting yelled at soon enough. In fact, I started asking my then-warden-husband, "Are you angry again? Why are you angry again? What did I do NOW???" I noticed that he yelled at me 3 or 4 times a day in the last year we were together. I wonder now how I could tolerate it, because it didn't begin that way. We went on dates, he bought me flowers, we took little trips, and he was always so excited about the future. But the last 5 years with him were spent listening to him chew me out on a daily basis. I realize now I could never please him or make him happy, and that's because I wasn't the right person for him. He would never be happy with someone who is like me. But after 15 years of that torment, I'm still fearful and I find myself worrying about things that will never happen with a man like Highway, because he's nothing like that monster I was married to.
By the time I rolled into home, I was so serene I felt like a new woman. Focus is the word of the week, and I'm going to remind myself daily to "see the good road", because it's all around me now.
|The delicious scent of oranges is overwhelming on this little section, right through the groves|
|My hubs on Blackbird along Highway 78 just outside of Ramona, CA|
|Climbing the twisties along Highway 78|
|One turn after another along Highway 78|
|Riding out of Ramona's residential area|
|Stopped for a short break in the armpit of San Diego, Lakeside|