About Sash

My father was a 1%er in the late 1960's in Fontana, CA. As a child growing up, our home was filled with bikers of all types and I worshiped them all. My parents divorced when I was only 5 and this broke my heart and my spirit. My mother and her new husband were very abusive and neglectful, the men she continued to bring into our home sexually abused me and at one point in my mid-teens, she took money from her friends to let them have sex with me.

My mother is addicted to prescription drugs to this day and I do not have a relationship with her. For most of my life I hated her.

My father was a tender, loving philosopher who spent his life on his motorcycle, shunning the norm, caring little about money and possessions, and died at the age of 50 from a cerebral hemorrhage from his drug use. He died shortly after holding my newborn daughter Olivia for the first time. I have missed him every day since his death.


My adult life was spent trying to be a model wife and mother, hoping this would validate me and fill the emptiness in my heart from a traumatic childhood. I could cook any dish, sew anything, and masterfully arrange flowers. I threw Victorian Tea Parties and drove the car pool. I was a good Mom, good wife, loyal friend, and dying inside.

The only joy I ever found was being a mother to my daughter. My husband was cruel and emotionally abusive to both my daughter and me. This caused her to move out when she was 18, and I realized how empty I had become. I missed her so much I ached inside all of the time. But she had her life to live and once she was gone, I realized I had mine.

Having never really fit in to my homogeneous, suburban setting, I had become inauthentic. Not really a homemaker, or church lady, nor P.T.A Mom, I could hear my soul crying for something more. I dreamed of riding motorcycles as my Dad once had, seeing the country, meeting new people, taking me where I dreamed of being.

I started tearing away the facade built around my heart. I found a new job, divorced my abusive husband, lost weight, started hiking, motorcycling, reading, and became a local beauty queen. I even fell in love and remarried, and we started a life together. My social life exploded and I was going to parties, mixers, meeting people, rubbing elbows and making friends. But I found even that wasn't enough.

My new husband Steve and I sold most of what we own and went off to see America. We rode our two motorcycles across the country with no home to return to. This wasn't a vacation or a trip, it became a lifestyle; motorcycle vagabonds.

I found the time I needed to sort out the misery in my heart and mind, helped me to find the gratitude I missed, and brought me to a place of peace. I'm no longer angry at my mother and I no longer miss my father. I love myself now in a way I never understood possible.

We now live on the road calling no place home, except each other. We call our journey our Road Pickle. 

"Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it."

My father wrote these words to me many years ago, and they still resonate in my life daily.

I am happy with whom I've become and I intend to live a life authentic daily. The beauty is, I've created a life for myself where I don't have to answer to anyone but my own conscience. Many people find me "rude" because I refuse to conform to other's expectations. I find that every time I straddle my motorcycle and fire up the engine, there's more for me to learn. Every person I meet has something to teach me, every horizon is a new gift of beauty, every morning another opportunity to love someone. I want to live my life experiencing, not existing.

My life philosophy is BE YOU ~ Boldly Embrace Your Own Uniqueness.

I'll never hide myself again.

43 comments:

  1. Welcome Tina! Being true to yourself is so uplifting enjoy the ride :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Actually you DO have to answer to someone other than yourself. Didn't you write a book?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I wrote a book. My poetry book is entitled "Finding Christ Inside" and chronicles my journey to find spirituality within myself. So the only person I answer to is me. The only voice I need listen to is within my own soul.

      Why do you ask about my book?

      Delete
    2. I ask because I am shocked at your "new you" if that is what you call it. It certainly was not what I had expected to see when I read your "about me" introduction. I suppose I expected something else. Certainly not a foul mouthed "Rude Biker Chick". I though you might actually have something to say about true spirituality but that is not what I found and frankly it disappointed me. Of course I supposed some would say that everyone has their own spirituality but someone who says they "found Christ inside" would know that is not a true statement. If it is real in your life, well then, you would expect to live it. I was curious how someone, who I would have believed was a Christian by the title of your book, could have an alternate personality so although it may not offend everyone it does offend me. I had the choice to read it or not as does everyone, but I thought you should know that you just might be confusing people by the title of your book "finding Christ inside" when in fact it would seem by your statements that your book should have been entitled "finding ME and only ME inside"

      Delete
    3. I'm all behind you Tina, it takes a lot of strength to be the real person inside you, and I think your book, "Finding Christ Inside" is very appropriate because Christ helped you cut through the outer layer and find the soul down deep inside. The person you are inside is what God blessed us all with, but its the people we deal with who creates the costume we hide behind. I respect that you can take off the costume and not be controlled by others.

      This "anonymous" jackass, whoever it is, is obviously still hiding behind a costume, and afraid to show her/himself out of fear that you'll hurt her/him.

      Delete
    4. Thank you Highway! :)

      It was you that taught me that I could be myself and I would be OK, and I thank you for that.

      I love you!

      Delete
  3. Do you censor all your comments to only include only those that may benefit you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous,
      Your novel of negative comments with which you barrage this blog are unworthy of publishing. If you are capable of manning up and stepping out from behind the veil of anonymity, email me at Tina@TinaWalker.com.
      By the way, you and your opinion of me can suck my dick. Now go find someone else to pester with your meaningless dribble and get your own life, instead of envying mine.

      Delete
  4. Well, Anonymous brought the welcome wagon, but forgot the cookies or cake, or whatever it is they bring to a welcoming. It is refreshing when someone can find him/herself and move above their past to become happy. The sadness is in continuing to live in the past, being unhappy, and having to bash others because of jealousy. Welcome to the biking and blogging world Sash! I will link to you on my blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Arizona Harley Dude!
      It becomes apparent after reading some of the miles of comments she sent that I didn't publish that this has nothing to do with riding, as I'm sure she's never ridden. Just negative and jealous ~ you nailed it.
      I'm rushing right over to read your blog now! And THANK YOU for the big welcome! :)

      Delete
  5. Some people!! Geesh....Hey Anonymous...U should go FUCK yourself!! U most likley already do, YUP that's what your problem is!!! Just sayin!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha Diane :)! You're awesome! Thanks for the support and the visit to my site.

      Delete
  6. Its a raining day here in the pacific northwest and rather than working like I should be, Im surfing for info on riding to Alaska. I read Steve's (Highway) post and than came upon this,followed by Arizona Harley Dude's and then Twisted Roads by Jack. How the hell am I suppose to get anything done! Now, in addition to the trip research, I have to figure out who I am and what I want and how much sex can be involved!! Thanks Kids....looking forward to more.
    Skylur

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Skylur, you'll figure that out on the ride! And yes, there's plenty of sex involved when you're free to be yourself. That is, if you like and/or want sex.
      Thanks for the visit and keep coming back for more! I love a guy who keeps coming back for more!!
      :)
      Sash

      Delete
  7. Well i can speak to this with great authority as I grew up with Tina and im of the same cut and background so i know what she speaks. And im a betting man that says Jesus is more of a biker than a saint. In tbe immortal words of the greatest biker..... I have to come to a point in my life where i dont care Wells what others think of me i like me and thats all that matters.....Evel Knievel

    ReplyDelete
  8. Tina,

    I'm a Christian Biker Chic. I live the way I feel led by Christ to live. I'm certain you do too. I honestly don't give a rip what others think or say about me. If they don't like it they can walk off a cliff.

    I'm somewhat inspired by your choice to live your life out and be happy, instead of miserable. I also lived in quiet desperation in my past life. I'm also remarried to an awesome Biker Dude. He's helped me be the person I am today.

    I'm going to subscribe to your blog in my rss reader.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow! First time here. Damn right on I say.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tina; ROFLMFAO... "anonymous" the prickless gutless face of soo-peer-ee-or religion... ha hahahahahahaha....

    I never read your 'about' page before! My loss!

    He was right about one thing though. It is about "ME" and only "ME"... stupid bastard. The ONLY thing, in this entire miserable world that we've got a hope in hell of exercising much control over... is our own damn selves. The ONLY thing we can change, or hope to really understand... is ourselves. "ME". and unless we do THAT... we ain't worth a bucket of used beer.

    I don't know... maybe if "Anonymous" had enough manhood to pee without having to sit down he'd learn to look at himself and his own gutless wisdom... and realize... he's got a LOT to learn about the Boss. I'd like to be there when the insulting fool tries to crash the gate. "You can't get in here CLAIMING to be righteous Dude! You got to BE righteous! The gate to hell is down yonder!"

    Hell, I'll collar a leash on his ass and lead him... I've got a date set up to geld that red headed sum bitch that lives there anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Brian!

      What a pleasure to have your opinion. :)

      I realized shortly after this incident that Anonymous is Wendy Hill Layman, a lady I went to high school with. We've had problems in the past, along these same lines. But you pegged the point of view, perfectly.

      I love the way you write. :)
      Sash

      Delete
  11. Hey Tina, I just can't help but jump in with some support for your book--even though I've not read it, but based upon the title: Paramahansa Yogananda, who founded Self-Realization Fellowship, was one of the most revered spiritual teachers, both here and in India. One of his most memorable publications (and he wrote voraciously) was a 2-volume epic entitled: "The Second Coming of Christ: The Resurrection of the Christ Within You." Tell your anonymous "friend" to put that in her pipe and smoke it! Love you, Tina!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hello Tina! I am brand new to the world of motorcycling...just recently divorced and then diagnosed with cancer due to my service in the Army as combat medic. I came across your site, and I LOVE it! I love your honesty and compassion about everything from helmet hair to being your true self and everything in between. I just wanted to say thank you for your site...you have no idea how someone like me found encouragement not just to ride...but to get out and LIVE life! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carol I am so touched by your comment! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you've found something that inspires you. Stay with me and we'll ride this together, shall we?
      You can also follow our FB page www.Facebook.com/BikerChicktips and keep up with tips, ideas and support from other riders. :)
      Thank you for all of the love!
      Smooches,
      Sash

      Delete
  13. Yup, you have the right idea. Just be you and live the life, its best to have the confidence and live with that than to dream and have none of it. Yaaayyyy!

    ReplyDelete
  14. There's always one masked marauder who thinks they're better than anyone else and will always find something negative to say.

    I applaud you, Sash, for having the courage to post this openly.

    I did, however, see a couple of typos that you might want to correct. Nothing negative. Simply duplicate or miss typed. The message is still strong.

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kimberly. Hope I got all of them.
      Thank you for reading and your positive comments. :)

      Delete
  15. It takes a brave woman to open herself up like this Sash. Your story and your life is an inspiration. I am glad that you have found your passion and that it feeds your soul. This is not a dress rehearsal and we only have one chance to make it fulfilling and happy. It's not the material things that feeds us it's the love, friendship, support, kindness and so much more that we get from connecting human to human that makes us full <3 I know there is much more beauty ahead of you <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much!! I hope we meet on the road sometime!

      Delete
  16. I am so sorry to have had a chance to meet you just as you are about to leave the area. Ah, such are the vagaries of chance. Although I'm an atheist, I commend your soul searching and sense of survival. I am so happy for you that you strove to emerge from your life of abuse with dedication to be yourself, despite the emotional scars. Keep striving!

    ReplyDelete
  17. P.S., always wanted to be a biker chick, but I've got an awful sense of balance. I've already got the foul mouth--except I don't consider it foul. Just expressive!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lady Cordelia, I'll be back. I get around! Ha ha!! Soon, we'll meet. And yes, I'm quite "expressive" from time to time. I find that's lessened with my anger subsiding, but it's still there.
      Looking forward to meeting you!

      Delete
    2. Have you looked into the 3 wheels, the Can-Am Spyder or the Harley Davidson I think it's called Goldhawk.

      Delete
  18. Tina, I have no idea who anonymous is nor do I care but I will share something with you my dad( who is a firm beleiver in Christ and rightfully so after some hardships with alcoholism) has always told me. "It isn't where you worship, how you pray, or what you say. it's only that you do those things in your own way." He is entirely right (i beleive) and I am still working on my path to Christ. I applaud you in yours! :) This girl is beginning in her riding years, just got my 250 honda nighthawk last summer. it feels awesome to be out, but im still a chicken sometimes. LOL. You rock lady!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sarah! I can't wait to hear about your travels and experiences riding! Stay in touch!

      Delete
  19. Thanks, Sash! Unlike you, I was certain I didn't want to be within 10 ft of a motorcycle...until my first ride as passenger in mid-2013. Long distance reconnection with a HS classmate after 30 yrs, and learning he was a rider, made me ask a neighbor for a ride. He took me up into the local mtns, and I found myself glancing over his shoulders, wanting to know what he was doing to operate this amazing machine! It was 3 mos from 2nd ride, to getting my own bike, fully licensed - at age 52! While I've not progressed as fast as you (still on my V Star 250 after 16 mos but eyeing upgrade to 650 or 950), riding has unleashed my spirit, which had been slowly dying. The future, of which I was so certain a few years ago, is not so certain. Riding the "goat trails" of the nearby mtns, and commuting by motorcycle, has given me courage I did not know I had. Like your recent "approaching 50" story, in a sense I feel my life is just beginning...and while I'm not sure of where the road is taking me, on my bike I am sure it is someplace better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's awesome Christine! Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  20. Your blog was mentioned by someone on Open Road Girls. While I don't follow any religion, from what I have read so far you rock. We seem to have a few past issues in common.
    I also have broken away from the small town societal role of mom and homemaker, after making a break from my abuser.
    Two motorcycles later and as a fairly new rider, I am almost ready to start taking longer trips. I hope to use your advice to my advantage and I look forward to all of your post.
    I find it amusing that anon decided to opinion vent to a biker chik. Evidently non-conformity is a foreign word to her. ANON: fuck you!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I've followed you on IG for a while, and its my first time to read this! I started crying because I almost felt like you were writing my story, to an extent. Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Amira! And thanks for following on IG! I've been enjoying your posts. Smooches!

      Delete

About Sash


People call me "Sash" because I'm a former beauty queen in my old home town. My father used to ride in an MC which got me interested in the culture. After my last divorce I said "goodbye" to Susie Homemaker and became the rude biker chick I always felt inside. (Read more...)